Introvert's Love and Pain
by Tidon
Summary: AU. Okumura Rin was always been a loner and "weird", but he prefer that, rather than pretend to be somebody else. YAOI
1. Chapter 1

Title: Introvert's Love and Pain

Rating: T

Pairing: Suguro Ryuji (bon) x Okumura Rin, one-sided Kamiki Izumo x Okumura Rin

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Summary: AU. Okumura Rin was always been a loner and "weird", but he prefer that, rather than pretend to be somebody else.

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Introvert

Noun

Noun: introvert; plural

1.

A shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person.

PSYCHOLOGY

A person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.

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"_I was born as a forest, but I feel overwhelmed by all these trees." _

― _theladyfidgets_

_._

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I don't own Ao no Exorcist/ Blue Exorcist

One shot? I really don't know XD

-o-o-o-o-

I'm Okumura Rin, fifteen years old, a loner, but I prefer that because that's me, other people think that I'm weird because I'm not "like" them, they were very vocal and social but for me it felt foreign I'm not used to that kind of environment I prefer to be alone with my thoughts, I'd rather choose to sleep than to party, to listen than to share my thoughts. I sighed and glanced at my watch it was two thirty and our professor is nowhere to be found, I leaned on my chair and I wish that we had a class so I didn't have to listen to my classmate's rants and undeniably useless conversations about boobs and what not, I didn't had anything to do and I decided to scan the class, we were crowded as usual and I saw the "trio" they were often the source of trouble Shima, the pink haired guy that they call "the pervert", he always go out with different girls every week and they were some kind of trophies, the next one was Konekomaru, he was like the neutral in the three of them, he was always the referee when the Shima and the other one quarrel, the other one was Ryuji, he had a streak of blond hair on top of his hair that somehow looked like a chicken, he had piercings on both ears he really looked rebellious and at any moment he looked like he'll punch someone because he want to. And there's that guy named Takara Nemu the other one besides me that holds the name "weird" in our class, he always had a ventriloquist's doll on his hand and he really didn't talk to anyone unless he needed to.

"Rin!" oh and that's Kamiki Izumo, she's a "normal one" and I didn't really know why she want to hang out with me, she was a friend of my brother's girlfriend, Shiemi and after a few weeks of their visiting in our house with Shiemi she really tried to be a "friend" to me, that's what she said, I really didn't understand that, my childhood was different from the others, the other kids didn't want to play with me because I wanted to be in a place away from the crowd I always like the playground at night when the others were at home, that way I enjoyed the swing, the slide, the whole playground alone. I really didn't had any "friends" because of that. _And I just needed someone to be alone_.

"Sensei isn't here yet, let's go grab something to eat" she said as I sigh and nodded I'm pretty hungry after all.

* * *

"Damn, Okumura was really weird right? He still didn't speak to anyone but Kamiki-san, I wonder if there was something in between them. Kamiki-san was cute though"

"By the way you act, you're a disgrace in a family of monks Shima, besides I think that Okumura just wanted to be alone… or something" I said as I snort in disgust in the way Shima treat girls like trophies, he was like that since he first saw an adult magazine and porn of his brother that they "secretly hid under their beds". I shifted my thoughts on Okumura, he was like that since the first day and now was second semester of first year, and well he's not that weird like that puppet guy who didn't had anyone to talk to. I sighed and leaned on my chair.

"Hey I got an Idea Bon!, let's take a bet, if you can make Okumura-kun a friend or anything else within a month I'll forget that you peek at my porn and magazines and I'll forget the money you owe me three weeks ago… well?" I was shocked and embarrassed at the same time…. Well I did peek at that stupid magazine…. I'm just curious you know!... and that money I owe Shima was kinda huge, just because some guy manage to get into my skin for being such a big talk on me like they knew me or something _"he's a monk's son and he looked like that? Is that even allowed?" _they deserve the broken bones they got from me, but in result I have to pay for their bills, which I borrowed from Shima.

"I guess you can't do it then?..." he said and I know that tone he's challenging me "I'll do it….you pervert and what do you mean by _anything else_ of that bet?"

"Oh come on bon, Koneko and I both knew that you didn't swing on girls….. You know …..That you prefer guys…."

"Shut up or I'll make you" I'm face were utterly red from embarrassment that Shima would blurt that out like some kind of a "normal conversation". And I knew that this was no turning back and if I do Shima will have another thing to blackmail me, which I won't let just happen.

* * *

After we grab and ate some melon bread and a milk shake we went back to the classroom as usual they were noisy and formed into groups that had a different conversations that I don't really care about it, Kamiki sat beside me and I'm really thankful that she there, like I said I needed somebody to be alone and I think that kamiki knew that already "are your papers ready?" I nodded, I nearly forgot that in a month Yukio and I will be Studying at the States for a year, we had passed the scholarship there and we can't just pass the opportunity though. "We'll go there in a month" she nodded and we proceed at our comfortable silence when a shadow blocked the light beside me. "O-Okumura can we hang out sometime?" this was the first time that someone said that to me and I really don't know what to say…. "Do you….. Need something?" I asked and I had really been taken aback by that, I can see that he frowned a little clearly that what I answered was wrong. "I don't need something… well I just like to … you know….. know you a little, I guess" he said and I glance at Kamiki who shrugged, I sighed even though I'm not into this I think I'll give it a try beside I'll be out of here in a month so why bother?.

"Okay." Did I just said that? Now I kinda feel like I regret that I said that, what will I do?, I sighed, what's done was done….

He grinned "Saturday afternoon, I'll give you a call or text…. Can I have your number?" he said and I'm really unsure on whether or not to give my number…. But I give it anyway. _I'll just be a month Rin _I said to myself, this was really an uncharted territory for me….. I'm really nervous…. Shit.

* * *

Too easy, I thought as I type the number Okumura gave me, I'll show Shima that I'll make him talk to me like everybody else, beside it's a win-win situation I won't be thinking of the money I owe and I'll get the chance to know Okumura that I've been observing since day one.

I really can't hide the smile I had when we walk home, I can tell that Shima regretted the whole bet now since I got Okumura's number. As I finished showering I wore a comfortable shirt and loose shorts and prepared myself to sleep, and I saw my phone and decided to text him.

"Okumura….are you still awake?" I waited for twenty minutes and still he hasn't replied, I feel kinda down though, Maybe he didn't like to talk to the likes of me or… ***buzz buzz*** my phone vibrated and I looked at the ID and grinned "Yeah kind of.."

"Well about Saturday, you're okay with that? :)"

"Yeah, I guess…. Is it just the two of us?" He said and I thought about it for a bit if Shima joined us I'm sure that Okumura will try to drag Kamiki and we'll be in chaos, we all know that Kamiki hates Shima's guts, so it a no no.

"It'll be just the two of us ;)" after that it took him forever to reply, I'm in deep sleep when my phone vibrated

"Okay" I don't know if I should be happy or not, it seems that he was trying to avoid me or something, seriously though what's his problem? Oh well I should make this work or goodbye money for me.

Saturday come and we ended up in a theme park, he was very quiet and I'm just the one who create a conversation and he'll quickly answer and end it… Why is he making it so hard for himself to chill out and relax, this will be harder than I thought….

"Ryuji…. I-…. Sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable, well…I'm just … not used to this" he said and I sighed "you're not makin me uncomfortable Rin… just chill and enjoy this day" I said and he smiled, it was the first time that I saw him simile, he looked like another person and it suites him, maybe if he just go out of his shell and let the others know him…

"Ryuji.. Why are we doing this? … I mean what for?" is he serious? Is it not clear that I wanted to be friends with him?

"Well, I wanted to be friends with you or more…." I shouldn't said the last part, now he's eyeing me now.

"I guess that's okay….. You'll be my first fight though…" first what? First friend? "What about Kamiki? Isn't she your friend"?

"Well she is, but this…. Will be the first though, I mean as I grow up I didn't have any friends I just prefer to be alone" that's just sad. Suddenly I had an Idea, I grabbed his hand and dragged him inside the park where sorts of rides and booths, we tried some and I saw that along those times I saw him smile and I thought that this was worth it. I think that no one in our class seen Rin smiled over a ride.

I think that he's just lonely and needed someone to be alone.

* * *

Ryuji tag along with me after _that, _and I liked it he and Kamiki were okay I guess, having a friend was a good thing after all, he was there all the time, in three weeks I could say that I really had a friend that I can rely on, He said that it was great that he could lay off of Shima for a while. I can tell that something was bugging him in the past week, he was a little close to me but I shrugged it off and thought that was just normal.

Our professor was nowhere to be found again so I excused myself to go to the bathroom and Ryuji said the same, when we were close to the bathroom Ryuji dragged me inside, he looked if we were alone in here which we were. "Rin…." I saw him gulped and shaking.

"Rin, I like you" he said as he slowly planted a kiss on my lips, I don't really know what to do and his hands slowly encircled around my hips pulling me into him and my arms unconsciously made their way on his neck. I felt excited… I liked it, I like the way it felt, his hands on my body…. I liked him. I was pondering myself for the past weeks because of an unknown feeling in my guts when Ryuji call my name when we talk for a bit and smiled at each other, it was so new to me, I didn't felt like that with Kamiki since she was somehow a friend to me. He pinched my ass and I gasped in surprise, he took that as his tongue explored my mouth, I… moaned and gripped his hair and I decided to mimic him, I returned the favor my kissing back, I like him too. We part off gasping for air. "That was hot Rin" he said as he kissed me on the cheeks "I really like you" he breathe on my neck as he suck a part of it. "I-I like you too Ryuji" I don't know what will happen when we go further than that, someone whistled behind us, I quickly turned around and I saw Shima "I didn't know you'll actually do that for a bet Ryuji…." A BET?! I was stunned and confused a bet? Why…

"_O-Okumura can we hang out sometime?" _

"_I don't need something… well I just like to … you know….. Know you a little, I guess"_

"_You're not makin me uncomfortable Rin… just chill and enjoy this day"_

_ "Well, I wanted to be friends with you or more…."_

_"Rin, I like you"_

I like you my ass.

I have been fooled, this guy was doing this just for a bet and I thought that I really had a friend or more than that, and as I think of it why would someone like Ryuji wanted to "know about me" me at the first place? A nobody…. This is the thing that I hate most, being tricked and fooled at the same time, I shouldn't have got out of my protected shell, that way people like them wouldn't do this to me. I regretted it, I regret that I met him and people like him. I was shaking as I tried to pull myself together,

"Hey, it wasn't like that… yes there was a bet but…. What I said earlier was the truth I …"

"Fuck you Ryuji, don't give me that shit" I said and made my way out of the bathroom, as I entered the room I didn't notice the tears that kept falling down on me as I grabbed my bag, Kamiki asked me what happened and I just shook my head, and made my way out of the school, I didn't know that she was still following me until she grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug, I don't know but I melt down on her and I let my tears flow out of me, it was my first time to like somebody and it was just an illusion, things were better before.

"I shouldn't let them know me, they fucking bet for my feelings…." I said as she patted my back "It'll be alright Rin…. You don't need them…."she said as I hugged her tightly, I didn't felt like this before, the need of someone to rely on. I was glad that she was there for me, even though we hardly talk to each other, even though I never had feelings for her like I did to Ryuji.

"Things were better before…..Thank you Izumo" I said as I made my way back home.

I needed to be alone.

* * *

"Why the fuck would you say that huh Shima?!" I punched him hard in the face God it felt good, but the way Rin looked at me at disbelief …. It fucking hurts, I know that it was the first time he'll say those words, it'll be the first time that he kissed someone, and this fucker ruined it. I really liked him and I know that I made a huge mistake for taking it as a bet at first, I really liked him, and that kiss earlier proved that he liked me back and it won't happen again because of this shit!.

"What the fuck BON! I didn't knew that you like him that much, besides I'm right you just did that for the bet!" he said as if what he just did was okay. "Fuck off Shima" I said as I got back of the room and noticed that neither Rin nor Kamiki were there. I ran a hand on my hair and sighed, I sat back on my chair and texted him

"Rin, I'm sorry but when I said that I liked you it was true, I really like you… please forgive me"

I really hope that he'll forgive me… and if he did forgive me I'll do my fucking best to make up for him.

A week had passed and Rin didn't showed up in school so I decided to ask someone who might have known where he is.

"Izumo, do you know where I could find Rin?" I asked and she pretend to ignore me and it was really grinding my gears, I'm trying to call or text him but he turned off his phone, I really want to talk to him, to apologize. I tapped her shoulder and yanked her to face me "Hey I want to talk to Rin" I felt sting on my cheek as she pushed me away from her "Even if I know where he is I won't fucking tell you, you didn't know how hard it is to let him open up to other people and you just stroll in his life and fuck it huh?"

"did you know what he said to me before he left?" before he left?

"What are you talking about? Where is he?" she looked at the ground her fist balled up and turned white.

"Things were better before… he was contented the way he is before you and you're fucked up friend played with your stupid Bet. He's probably on his flight to America right now " She said as she grabbed something on his pocket, it was Rin's phone.

"Open the drafts, and do whatever you want from now on" she said as she slammed the door shut startling some of my classmates. I headed on the rooftop and turn on the phone, as I opened the drafts section there were two messages.

To: Ryuji

If you're reading this message I probably on my flight…. I just wanted to tell you that what we had or rather what we did was fun, It was the first time that I had someone who tried to make friends with me even though it was just an act, it felt like it was real and I'll cherish it thank you though, for giving me that chance.

To:Ryuji

By the way, you know I really fell for it, the whole "I like you Rin" part you even made me say that too, you know I really thought that it was real, was the bet high? Ahaha…. Well I hope you find your next victim… good luck and goodbye.

I closed the phone and gripped it hard, God is this a punishment? I just wish that I could go back and punch myself, he was really gone now and I didn't even apologize to him. I just looked at the sky.

I'm so sorry Rin, I'm so sorry…..

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_People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel._

_ -Maya Angelou _

I know that I should update Master and Familiar but this Idea was bugging me for the past weeks and I can't continue updating because this always blocked me out :(

So what do you think?

I'm not sure if this was only a one short or what… oh well

Review? Suggestions XD


	2. Chapter 2

_**Rated: T**_

_**Hello guys!**_

_**This story kept bugging me soo...Here's an update!**_

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_**A year and a half later**_

Rin watched the stars at the rooftop of their apartment He and Yukio shared, they're at New York right now due to our Scholarships which Yukio aced. Yukio was downstairs, chatting with Shiemi, his girlfriend. They talk about anything they come up with their mind, they seemed to be very happy with each other, and their smiles were genuine.

He Envy them.

Since _that_ day happened he became more bottled up than normal, and Yukio seemed to notice this, he talked to him if there was a problem or anything, but he said nothing.

He remembered Ryuji.

His streak hair, His piercings, the way they kissed, the way Ryuji's hands held his waist, His breath that brushed his neck, their moans.

_**I like you Rin **_

He shook his head,_ It_ should've been buried within his mind, that pain should've been forgotten, he should've moved on but in his sleep _that _scene kept bugging him, he tried though, but he loved him, It was the first time that he longed to see anyone.

Yes, he's still liked Ryuji but when his illusions ended, reality came back to him. Ryuji didn't like him, he lied and used him.

_It was all an act Rin, _his mind said and he sighed.

He stood up and went back downstairs. They had packed their things, their living room were now full of boxes ready for picking. Since they finished their scholarship in New York, they have to go back in Japan. They still have to continue their studies, at the same school, same people.

He'll see Ryuji again. He sighed and sat at the couch, well he couldn't hide forever right? Besides he might get another guy or girl that he would fuck around. Ryuji might even forget about him since it's been a year and a half, Rin was the one who decided to cut all their connections to forget him.

But it never did, he never Forget him.

He rubbed his temples and opened the drawer beside him, he grabbed a bottle of valium, he opened and pop some of them, and he used to take more than prescribed. He leaned his head on the couch as the drug invaded his head, it felt good and relaxing, that moment he forget all, he forget Ryuji and that illusion that he planted on his mind. His mind was foggy and he let his eyes fall from his slumber.

* * *

Yukio turned off the computer after he talked to Shiemi, he heard his twin brother rested himself on the couch, clutching the bottle of valium like his life was connected to it, he slowly grabbed the bottle from his sleeping twin and looked at him, he was liked this ever since they got here and Rin wouldn't even talk if there was a problem or anything. He counted the pieces of the pills and it seems like he take more than what's prescribed again. It really bothered Yukio that Rin was popping pill several times a day, it wasn't normal, he had suffering from depression and he wouldn't even let anyone know, sometimes he was his normal self and later he was either on the rooftop or sleeping with a bottle of anti-depressant drug on his side.

He tried one time to snatch away the drug for a day and Rin literally flipped the whole apartment searching for it. He got up and placed the bottle on the table and resumed to check all their things.

His phone buzzed, as he grabbed the phone he saw Kamiki's name, she texted him every day if possible, he either just check on them, hi and hellos but most of it was about Rin, asking if he was okay or anything, he let her know his current status and it seems like she knew something on his brother's sudden change. He tried to squeeze anything that she know but she didn't budge, even with Shiemi's help.

Since Rin was slumped on the couch, he decided to make dinner for them, their flight's schedule was tomorrow morning, and it'll be their last dinner in New York.

* * *

Ryuji listened on their professor's lecture while Shima and Konekomaru were taking notes, he groaned under his breath, he quietly tapped his fingers on the chair, wishing that the class end quickly, he wanted to sleep, he kept on tossing around last night, he couldn't sleep and he wonder why.

He looked around the class and he noticed that Kamiki was fidgety this morning, she always looked at her phone, and she seems to wait for someone.

Ryuji shrugged and looked at the board, his mind drifted on a certain blue haired guy that he loved, it's been a year and half since _that_ day, those eyes full of regret and disbelief….

Why he was such an Idiot?

He didn't forget those eyes, his body trembled as he ran away from the restroom that day, the day they both confess to each other, their kiss that he crave, even though it was clear that he won't gonna see him anymore.

He took a glance at Shima, he forgive him, both of them agreed to that bet so he couldn't fully blame him, but he still wanted to punch him when he remember those memories.

The bell rang and they stood and bowed at the professor's farewell as their homeroom teacher came with another student.

His vibrant blue hair, his face matured a bit, his body frame was much firmer now but his eyes… it was the same as _that _day.

"We have a returnee student, please introduce yourself"

"Good morning everyone, I'm Okumura Rin, It's nice to meet you" he bowed and we locked eyes. I gripped the edge of my chair.

"R-Rin…"

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-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

I'm pretty lame from cutting it out here *sweat drops*

Well, change of plans, I'll try to update this with Master and Familiar

Well what do you think?

I wanna know your thoughts so….

Review Review Review!


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Blue Exorcist nor the songs I used.

-o-o-o-o-o-

_I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real_

_I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long_

_(Erase all the pain till it's gone)_

_I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real_

_I wanna find something I've wanted all along_

_Somewhere I belong_

The teacher assigned Rin next right to Ryuji's seat, He didn't know if he should fell happy or irritated, he settled down on the chair and their teacher started to lecture, he could feel Ryuji's eyes on him, in fact Rin wanted to talk to him.

But what for? He thought

Besides what they had was over and He's sure that Ryuji moved on.

"Suguro-kun, Okumura will be your partner for your research" I looked at him and I saw him staring at me, I felt an unfamiliar knot inside me, seriously though something is wrong with me.

The class goes by as usual, the professor ended his class and their classmates started to crumpled to each other and talk about latest trends and what not. He picked his things back into his bag when a hand rested on his shoulder, when he looked up to see who it was he felt shivers went through his body, Ryuji looked at him.

"Do you need something?" he said without breaking their gaze

"Rin, I know this will be too late but… I'm sorry" he said it again, when he said it before it felt nothing but now…. Damn, why does it hard to be mad at him, He was supposedly angry and ignoring him but….

"hmm, Whatever" He said, and tore his gaze from the older teen and proceed to pack his things. Why did he just accepted him? Those nights that he had to pop drugs in order to sleep was nothing? Those thoughts that he fought when he remembered him…. Was that senseless? ….. He really didn't know.

Ryuji didn't move in his seat

"Wanna grab something to eat?" he said

"I thi-"

"Rin!" Kamiki walk and stood beside him "Let's go grab some lunch" she said and dragged him to cafeteria giving Ryuji a glare as they reached the door.

* * *

-o-o-o-o-o-o-.

They ate on silence, Rin can't figure out why he doesn't feel mad at Ryuji, even though he made that sick bet, he still didn't hate him, he thought that he already moved on, can he really forgive him?

"_Even If Ryuji didn't say Sorry, you've already forgiven him" _ he heard his voice on the back of his mind

He shook his head and continue to munch on his melon bread.

"Rin, don't go near him again" Kamiki said with a piercing look on her face, he wanted to but his body react differently.

"I-I don't know, when I see him…. I just…" he said and she sighed, she scoop closer to me, too close for Rin's comfort.

"Do you remember what happened a year ago?" Rin raised his brow, he didn't like the way Kamiki said those things to him, he thought that he already bypassed those memories.

"Just.. let it go Kamiki" he said and he walk back through the class room.

* * *

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Last Subject begun thirty minutes ago and Ryuji kept glancing at Rin, they were so close to each other but it felt like they were too far away, Rin didn't even say a word, he was clearly mad at him but he was expecting some verbal hatred… or anything.

He wanted to hold his hand and say sorry for a hundred time today, he wanted get him back, he wanted to hold him like before.

No secrets, No lies

He wanted to start again, he wanted Rin to accept him again, and he knew that it was really selfish of him but damn he will do anything just to win Rin back.

When the bell rang, the professor bade his farewell and the student started to disperse from the classroom, Ryuji heard someone cleared his throat and he saw Rin waiting for him, he wanted to smile and grab Rin and kiss him like it was the last minute of his life.

"What about our research, the one Professor Shura gave" he said and Ryuji nodded like an idiot.

"I started the first part of it, it was on my room, you could see it today… if that's okay with you" he really wished that Rin agreed to that, he needed to say something to him in private.

"It's okay, Ryuji" The streak haired teen smiled at him and grabbed his bag, they exited the room and Ryuji lead the way to his dorm room.

They didn't know that a pair of eyes were eyeing them in a distance.

As they walk on a narrow alleyway, Ryuji felt their hands brush and he locked eyes with Rin, who tore away his gaze, his face couldn't hide that shade of pink on his cheeks and focused on the road.

Did Rin felt the same?

Does he still love me?

Could I have a chance?

That thought ran through his head, he wouldn't know if he wouldn't make any move right now.

_Know I've done wrong,_

_Left your heart torn_

_Is that what devils do?_

_Took you so low,_

_Where only fools go_

_I shook the angel in you_

_Now I'm rising from the ground_

_Rising up to you_

_Filled with all the strength I found_

_There's nothing I can't do!_

_I need to know now, know now_

_Can you love me again?..._

So he grabbed and held Rin's hand while they walk , Rin stopped his tracks, he was about to say something but Ryuji hold him by the waist and pulled Rin towards him, he closed his eyes and he slowly closed the gap between their lips.

Ryuji kissed him, not forcing or plotting to put his tongue on his precious Rin, but it was a gentle kiss.

He opened his eyes and he saw Rin looking at him. He couldn't hold his tears back to his eyes, he wanted him back so badly.

"Ryuji….."

"Rin, I'm really sorry, I'm sorry, I want you back…. I-I will do anything to have you back… please Rin" he said as he let those tears fall, Rin swallowed and lowered his head, Ryuji heard him sniff and tears also showed on him, Rin hugged him and let Rin cover his face on his chest. He caress the blue tresses and closed his eyes.

"Rin, I want us to start again, I promise not to hurt you again"

-oo-o-o-o-o-ooo-o-o-

Hello!

I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry I have a massive author's block on Master and Familiar (The notebook which I had notes of the next chapter of M&F was missing!) my ghawd.

I won't be able to update M&F for a while. Sorry :(

And college is really a bitch to me right now.

If you saw anything wrong in grammar or spelling please tell me, English isn't my first language. All of the chapters of my stories were un beta-ed (is that what you call it? XD)

Thank you..

See ya next time.


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